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Jun. 7 - Oops... A lot of what I'd intended to write about today—especially in the area of automatic Internet translations—got put on Moron Abroad over the weekend.

This morning's events have superceded all that blather anyway. The bandage finally came off my back today. In a highly-anticipated moment, the DMG peeled it off and didn't vomit or freak out at what she found beneath it. (I had nightmares last night in which the bandage had been peeled off to reveal a festering sore that looked like a maggot-infested pizza.) In fact, the wrinkle and tape marks from the bandage itself, which will probably disappear over the next few hours, look a lot worse than the scar itself. I hope you're not eating breakfast, because I thought I'd share a photograph taken within seconds of the removal:

You've now seen exactly as much of my back as I have. (It's a strong, manly back, is it not?) Now I'm going to take my first real shower since late May.

So that's it for now.

Tordesillas Remembered (and Forgotten)

On this day in 1494, Spain and Portugal signed the Treaty of Tordesillas.

In the volatile, war-torn world in which we live, many historical documents have become required reading. Not this one. You will never be standing at a cocktail party where someone says, "It's all because of that damn Treaty of Tordesillas." No one will ever blame the failures of the Middle East Peace Process or the brinkmanship in south Asia on the harsh conditions of the Treaty of Tordesillas. You'll never see your favorite pundit toss off the "Treaty of Tordesillas" in an ironic and off-handed way. You won't hear Noam Chomsky cite it as a cause or effect of American imperialism. It will never attract the directorial eye of Michael Moore or Oliver Stone. You already know more about that treaty than most people alive today. You may now forget it ever existed. It has no relevance to your life.

Ugo Buoncompagni was born on June 7, 1502. He became Pope Gregory III in 1572 and remained the Pope until 1585. He is best known for reforming the Julian calendar, which is why it's now Gregorian instead of Julian. Had he reformed the calendar before becoming Pope, it would be the Ugian Calendar. That would have been a calendar worth having.

It's Liberation Day in Chad, Prince Joachim's Birthday here in Denmark, Republic Day in Iceland, Riot Commemoration Day in Malta, and Unionsopplosningen in Norway.

That's right—Unionsopplosingen, dammit!

Unionsopplosingen is the Norwegian celebration of the historic Treaty of Tordesillas, whose benefits to Norway hardly need explanation. (As the world's most renowned Norwegian intellectual has colorfully put it, "The floor was greased and the cat heard bells!")

Anna Kournikova turns 23 and shares her birthday with Prince (1958), Tom Jones (1940), Dean Martin (1917), Jessica Tandy (1909), Paul Gauguin (1848), and the aforementioned Ugo.

Happy Monday!

2004, The Moron's Almanac™

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