WEEKND BRIEFING
Week 19 (And So On)

Mar. 19 - Today we enter Week 19. Sometime this week, the Bean ought to cross the half-pound mark. The literature tells us he is now the size of a small banana, which means I lied several weeks ago when I said that the literature had stopped measuring his growth in fruit.

We heard his heartbeat earlier this week, so we know he's all right, but there hasn't been much kicking since I noted "the Quickening" some time ago. Maybe it really was just gas after all. (I once wrote a song about a guy who thought he was falling in love but just turned out to be suffering from gas—one in the long list of reasons I never became a lyricist.) The Bean should start kicking soon, though, and we're looking forward to that.

The real excitement comes next Thursday, when we have an ultrasound that should finally reveal whether or not he's really a him. We're of two minds on the subject—not surprisingly, since there are two of us, each with our own nearly functioning brain. On the one hand (or of the one mind), we both believe the Bean is a boy although we have no evidence, logic, or reason to support us. We feel that it's a boy. On the other hand (or of the other mind), if the child were indeed a girl, she would be our girl, and it would be just like her to try to make us think she were a boy.

I guess we'll see on Thursday, although it's possible we won't. I'm told that it's only possible to make a positive identification of sex if there's a flagrant penis in the ultrasound; if the baby is angled awkwardly, or demurely, relative to the scanning tool, it may not be possible to determine whether or not there's baggage down there. A visible penis obviously denotes a boy; lack of a visible penis does not necessarily denote a girl. (Which, now that I think of it, is more or less the advice my father gave me when I started dating.)

Here's the blog of a woman in the 19th week of pregnancy, which offers a glimpse of what we can look forward to. Actually, it's Week 20 of her pregnancy, since she's chronicling 19 weeks + X days here. (I looked at her Week 19, however, and thought Week 20 was more interesting because of the ultrasound.) She calls her Bean "TheEgg" and its father "TheBoy." One nice thing about her blog is that it's nearly two year's old, so you can follow it right up to December 19, 2002, when ChloŽ NoŽlle is actually born.

The Bean's future remains unwritten, but will not involve umlauts.

* * *

Saturday is the first day of spring and the first anniversary of the first day of war, and the first anniversary of my last week in New York.

On March 20, 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris and began his famous "Reign of One Hundred Days." (These were apparently Metric days—the reign only lasted 94 American days.)

The Vernal Equinox occurs at 8:00 pm on Saturday. That's the scientifically-correct way to say it's finally fucking spring. Breathe. (The Vernal Equinox is celebrated by Pagans as the holiday Ostara.)

The Moron's Index
Bean Counter: 18 weeks + 0 days
Days as a Non-Smoker: 0

Dagens Ord (The Word of the Day)
Hente Get, or fetch. I mention this because I've been noticing a poster for FC KÝbenhavn, the soccer club, that features a photograph of the entire team sitting in the bleachers in their uniforms. "Vi henter Ýl," it reads, "I henter guldet." That's: "We get the beer. You get the gold."

I have no idea what the poster is advertising.

Birthdays, Holidays, and All That Jazz

Bruce Willis turns 49 on the 19th. He shares his birthday with Glenn Close (1947), Ursula Andress (1936), Phyllis Newman (1935), Phillip Roth (1933), Patrick McGoohan (1928), and Wyatt Earp (1848).

Holly Hunter turns 46 on March 20th. She shares her birthday with Spike Lee (1957), William Hurt (1950), Pat Riley (1945), Hal Linden (1931), the late, great Fred Rogers (1928), Carl Reiner (1922), Ozzie Nelson (1906), and B.F. Skinner (1904).

Matthew Broderick and Rosie O'Donnell both turn 42 on March 21. They celebrate with Gary Oldman (1958), Timothy Dalton (1944), Modest Mussorgsky (1839), and J.S. Bach (1685).

March 19 is Youth Day in Zambia.

March 20 is Independence Day in Tunisia.

March 21 is Nauroz Bayram in the Azerbaijan Republic, Iran, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikstan, and Turkmenistan. It's also Independence Day in Namibia and Human Rights Day in South Africa.

Enjoy the weekend.

© 2004, The Moron's Almanac™

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