DAILY BRIEFINGDoing Nothing Well
Mar. 17 - On Monday night I was kidnapped by a horde of Slovakian sportswear distributors. I spent most of yesterday tunneling out of the cell in which they'd detained me. (It only took longer than usual because I had to dig with a melon-baller.)
These things happen.
* * *
The DMG met her midwife yesterday. It was a brief meeting conducted entirely in Danish. We got to hear the Bean's little heart beating away, but other than that it was a purely conversational visit.
I don't know what midwives are supposed to do that doctors, nurses, and technicians don't already have covered. The cynical part of me suspects it's all a big scam. One Danish couple that's recently been through a pregnancy described their midwife as a cross between a witch-doctor and a svengali.
"She spent twenty minutes feeling my tummy trying to figure out where the head was. She couldn't figure out if she was feeling the head or the butt. It was so primitive. Give me a quick ultrasound, we'll know in two minutes. But no. I've got to have this woman probing my belly, going Head! No, butt... no, head!... or maybe butt..."
An article about midwives on the website MidwifeInfo offers the following:
The critical difference [between the care provided by physicians and that of midwives] that emerged from [a study of the midwife model of care] was the midwives' art of doing "nothing" well.Ah, yes, the art of doing "nothing" well... an art I had almost perfected myself, until I realized I had actually been doing nothing "well."
One woman summed it up by saying, "A large part of her providing the kind of care we wanted is what she didn't do... she didn't rush anything ... she said to me your body knows what to do so just let it do it."
Clearly I have much to learn about midwifery.
Luck o' the Irish...
The Feast Day of St. Patrick is celebrated on March 17. St. Patrick is considered the father of Celtic Christianity. He founded more than three hundred churches, drove the snakes out of Ireland, invented green beer, and coined the popular slogan, "Kiss me, I'm Irish."
On March 17, 1939, after German troops crossed the Czech border, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain threw all his years of careful diplomacy out the window and accused Adolf Hitler of breaking his word. He instantly regretted having let these angry words slip, however, and subsequently resigned.
The Moron's Index
Bean Counter: 17 weeks + 5 days
Days as a Non-Smoker: 1
Dagens Ord (The Word of the Day)
Tømmermænd Literally it means "timber men," or carpenters, the idea being that having a hangover is like having carpenters at work inside your skull.
Mia Hamm turns 32 today. She shares her birthday with Rob Lowe (1964), Gary Sinise (1955), Kurt Russell (1951), Patrick Duffy (1949), Rudolf Nureyev (1938), Nat "King" Cole (1919),
and Shemp Howard (1895).
Happy Hump Day!
© 2004, The Moron's Almanac