6007 and Counting...

Oct. 23 - According to James Ussher, the venerable 17th century Archbishop of Armagh, and to Dr John Lightfoot of Cambridge, it was at exactly 9:00 a.m. on the chilly autumn morning of October 23, 4004 BC, that God created the world.

The question of 9:00 a.m. where didn't appear to enter into their consideration but it strikes me as important. If the world was created at 9:00 a.m. Greenwich Time, it would have been 5:00 a.m Eastern Time, meaning the world was technically created earlier in the Old World than it was in the New. What's worse, Hawaii, the Midway Islands, Samoa, and other points west would have been created the day before.

It's conceivable, I suppose, that Ussher & Lightfoot (which sounds like either a rock group, law firm, or action-adventure series) could have been mistaken in their calculations, but if we start questioning men of God, where will it end? Sooner or later we'll start questioning God himself, which couldn't possibly lead anywhere good. No, it's either blind obedience to God or the Hell with us all.

Just ask Osama.

Anyway, this bitch of an earth is 6007 years old today. Bottoms up.

* * *

If that's not enough to coax you into a party hat, how about this: today is also Gummo Marx's birthday and National Aviation Day in Mexico.

For the record, it's also Revolution Day in Hungary and the birthday of "Weird" Al Yankovic (1959), Michael Crichton (1942), Pelé (1940), and Johnny Carson (1925).

Happy Thursday.

© 2003, The Moron's Almanac™

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