On The DMB

Jul. 15 - A lot of people have been asking me why I call my fiancée the DMB.

DMB is an acronym.

D is for Danish—because she's Danish.

M is for Moronic, because she's every bit as moronic as I am. (But never moreso.)

B is usually for Babe, because she's a babe—but it can stand for other things as mood swings warrant.

I wasn't the first one to call her the DMB. That honor belongs to one of the many people with whom I regularly corresponded on an AOL message board (as "ThisMoron") in 1997, when I lived in Chicago. We were all careful not to reveal too much about our personal lives publicly, so spouses and significant others were given euphemistic handles. I had called my girlfriend a Danish moronic babe once or twice, and at some point someone asked about "the DMB." It's easier to type three letters than three words, unless they're one-letter words, so it stuck.

While I've been happy to slander, malign, libel, and humiliate myself on these electric pages over the past half-decade, I've tried to spare her the indignities that I so enjoy. (They're not for everyone.)

To protect her innocence and anonymity, I have kept up the practice of calling her the "DMB" and have never even hinted that her name was Trine.

I will continue to protect Trine's anonymity in the future.

* * *

Rembrandt van Rijn was born in Leiden, Holland, on this date in 1606. His father was a miller and his mother was a stay-at-home mom. He is best known for his mastery of chiaroscuro and impasto, but his calamari was nothing to sneeze at.

Frenchman Hippolyte Mège-Mouriez patented margarine on this date in 1869. He called it margarine because the French word for pearl was margarite and he apparently had difficulty distinguishing butter from pearls—a handicap that goes a long way toward explaining his many divorces.

Jesse Ventura turns 51 today. Linda Ronstadt turns 56.

Happy Tuesday!

© 2003, The Moron's Almanac™

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