The Moron's Daily Briefing

Feb. 18 - Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there lived an angry German man. His anger wasn't of that common Teutonic variety so easily assuaged with a little sausage, beer, or conquest. He was a special man, and his was a special anger. He was so angry that he nailed ninety-five theses to the door of a church.

These were Very Angry Theses, as you can imagine, which is hardly surprising considering what they'd been through (being nailed to doors, etc). These Very Angry Theses proclaimed that Christians ought to despise priests who offered to sell them salvation for cash.

The angry German guy said salvation was free, and that the priests who treated it like any other commodity were perpetrating a terrible fraud upon their flocks. This was more than mere heresy: this was Really Big Heresy.

The Church tried to change the angry man's mind, but he wouldn't budge. They went so far as to feed him a Diet of Worms, but he said he would go no further and they were compelled to let him go (or, more accurately, not go).

There were a lot of poor people hanging around Germany back then, and the idea of inexpensive salvation had understandable appeal to them. They followed the angry guy around and eventually dropped out of the Official Church to start a New and More Affordable Church, which they eventually named after the angry guy.

That angry guy was Martin Luther, who died on February 18, 1546, of complications arising from that Diet of Worms.

Molly Ringwald turns 35 today, and Matt Dillon turns 39. They share their birthday with Vanna White (1957), John Travolta (1954), Cybill Shepherd (1950), Yoko Ono (1933), Milos Forman (1932), Toni Morrison (1931), Helen Gurley Brown (1922), and Jack Palance (1920).

Today is National Day in Gambia.

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

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