The Moron's Daily Briefing

Feb. 3 - About 600 years ago a child was born in the city of Mainz, in what is today Germany. His name was Johannes Gutenberg. He worked as a goldsmith and gem cutter until finally converting a wine press into a printing press. He printed 200 copies of the Bible and gradually went broke. He died 535 years ago today (in 1468).

Lesser known to history is the name of Edgar Weasle-Puck, the Englishman who developed a printing press at around the same time as Gutenberg. Instead of printing Bibles, however, Weasle-Puck ran off 500 copies of "Lewde & Graffical Engravingf of Perfonf Not Wearing Any Clothef." He made a small fortune, changed his name, purchased an Earldom, and moved to southern France, where he spent the rest of his days eagerly awaiting the invention of the lower-case "s."

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On February 3, 1959 Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and The Big Bopper were killed in a plane crash. This devastating tragedy only deepened with the eventual release of "American Pie."

The United States broke diplomatic relations with Germany on February 3, 1917. The Germans were very upset by this and tried to make America jealous by flirting with Mexico. Britain overheard Germany's sweet talk and told America everything she'd heard. Unfortunately for Germany, however, it didn't make America jealous. It made America angry. A few months later the United States declared war on Germany.

(Less than two years later, World War I ended with Germany's defeat. This made Germany upset again, and they spent the next two decades planning how they'd get even. Eventually this led to World War II, which also ended with Germany's defeat. Germany remains upset to this day, but, having been deprived of an army, poses no serious threat to anyone but France.)

Today is Heroes' Day in Mozambique.

Morgan Fairchild turns 53 today. Frank Tarkenton turns 63. They share their birthday with Joey Bishop (1918), James Michener (1907), Norman Rockwell (1894), and Gertrude Stein (1874).

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

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