DAILY BRIEFING
The Moron's Daily Briefing

Dec. 18 - Today is Wednesday, December 18, and Trent Lott is still sorry.

Americans who have not yet received an apology from Senator Lott may be interested in today's apology appearances (all times are Eastern):

11am - MTV2
Noon - Telemundo
1pm - The Playboy Channel
1pm - MTV2 (Repeat)
2pm - Oxygen
3pm - E!
4pm - ESPN News
5pm - HGTV
6pm - The Weather Channel

Check local listings for more details.

Aides report that the much-anticipated 24-hour Trent Lott Apology Channel will be available from most major cable and satellite carriers in time for the new year.

In related news, earlier today the White House Department of Metaphors (article) announced the creation of a task force to combat "rampant puns on the Senator's surname in headlines and screen crawls." Such puns are believed to be responsible for what is being called "Lott Fatigue" or "Post Apology Stress Disorder" (PASD).

"The Department of Metaphors doesn't ordinarily involve itself with puns," one senior staffer observed, "but there's a Lott of concern here."

"We've got to do what we can, while we can," another agreed. "Otherwise, a Lott of Americans are going to experience a Lott of pain."

* * *

It's Republic Day in Niger.

Brad Pitt turns 39 today, Steven Spielberg turns 55, and Keith Richards turns 59 (that's 94 in Keith-years). They share their birthday with Christina Aguilera (1980), "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (1964), Leonard Maltin (1950), Betty Grable (1916), Willy Brandt (1913), Ty Cobb (1886), and Paul Klee (1879).

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

[close window]
[Daily Briefing Archive]