The Moron's Daily Briefing

Dec. 9 - Today is December 9 but I feel badly about neglecting December 8.

Kristina Wasa was born to King Gustav II Adolf of Sweden and Maria Eleonora of Brandenburg on December 8, 1626.

The king was killed in battle in 1632, and Kristina was crowned while only six years old. As in all similar cases, this necessitated an Evil Regent Bastard to usurp, plot, and lay schemes until Kristina became an adult. On her eighteenth birthday she finally succeeded to the throne and overcame the Evil Regent Bastard.

Queen Kristina could speak and write six languages. She created the first Swedish newspaper. She studied with French philosopher Rene Descartes, prior to inadvertently killing him, and was instrumental in ending the Thirty Years' War.

She both studied and taught at various academies throughout Europe--even founding her own academy for literature and philosophy. She debated theology with the Pope, published letters promoting tolerance of Jews and Huguenots, helped instigate the opening of the first public opera house in Rome, and saved several puppies from a burning building. She was also trained and expert in all the military arts and sciences.

After abdicating the Swedish crown in 1654, she reportedly dressed as a man and rode a white charger on a lengthy tour of Europe. Later she sought to establish herself as a monarch first in Naples, and then in Poland.

Kristina Wasa never had sex with a horse, however, and is therefore uninteresting.

* * *

On December 8, 1980, John Lennon was shot to death outside his home in Manhattan. He was killed by a young man operating on orders from J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye, a revolutionary book best known for its many passages inciting young men to kill people.

* * *

Today is not December 8, but December 9. It is therefore the birthday of Donny Osmond (1957), Dick Butkus (1942), Beau Bridges (1941), Buck Henry (1930), Dick Van Patten (1928), Dina Merrill (1925), Redd Foxx (1922), Kirk Douglas (1916), Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. (1909), Margaret Hamilton (1902), and John Milton (1608).

It's Constitution Day in the Mariana Islands.

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

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