The Moron's Daily Briefing

Nov. 25 - According to Biblical scholars, a powerful rain storm began on this date in BC 2348. It rained an inch every ten seconds. The sheer volume and velocity of the deluge, comparable to rapid-fire artillery, ought to have been enough to kill every living thing on the planet in seconds, but it reportedly continued at this rate for a full 960 hours.

The only human survivors were a crotchety six-hundred-year-old man and his family. Fortunately, these sturdy souls had had the foresight to gather up two to seven specimens of every species on the planet (excepting, one assumes, the undaunted creatures of the sea) and load them onto a wooden boat before the storm began.

It may not sound like much, put like that, but considering the far-flung distribution of all the various creatures of the earth, and the difficulty of tracking down, say, all the varieties of paramecium without the benefit of a microscope, or sustaining desert flora on a water-logged ship, it was a considerable accomplishment.

The Moron's Almanac applauds the foresight, initiative, and ambition displayed by Noah and his family, but remains a little wary of the person or persons behind all that rain.

Christina Applegate is 31 today. She shares her birthday with John F. Kennedy, Jr. (1960), John Larroquette (1947), Ricardo Montalban (1920), Joe DiMaggio (1914), Carry Nation (1846), Carl Benz (1844), and Andrew Carnegie (1835).

Today is Independence Day in Suriname.

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

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