The Moron's Daily Briefing

Sep. 12 - September 12, 490 B.C., looked like it was going to be a pretty bleak day for Western Civilization. The Greeks, who were not yet Ancient or Classical, were facing a massive invasion of Persians.

Persia was not yet part of the Axis of Evil, but was pretty nasty just the same. They had more men than the Greeks, better cavalry, and better weapons. (They did not have ouzo or moussaka, however, and many historians believe it was their desire for these things that drove them to invade.)

The General in charge of the Greeks was the Athenian Miltiades, also known as Uncle Milti. In addition to his own Athenians, he had been given Plataean soldiers and the promised support of Spartans. It was the first time the various city-states had prepared to fight together against a common enemy.

Despite his strong defensive footing, entrenched in the hilly terrain of Marathon, Uncle Milti was afraid that the superior numbers of the Persians would allow them to fight their way through the Greek defenses and destroy Western Civilization. In order to prevent this, he launched an offensive.

It caught the Persians off guard, driving them off the land, into their ships, and back to Persia.

This was the Battle of Marathon, at which Western Civilization was saved for the first time--ensuring a future for diet cola, fat-free potato chips, and pay-per-view sports.

Today's birthdays include Rachel Ward (1957), Barry White (1944), Jesse Owens (1913), Maurice Chevalier (1888), H.L. Mencken (1880), and Trine Kammer (1972).

Today is Day of the Nation in Cape Verde, Popular Revolution Day in Ethiopia, and Amilcar Cabral's Birthday in Guinea Bissau.

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

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