The Moron's Daily Briefing

Sep. 9 - Once upon a time (on September 9, 1890) a little boy was born in Kentucky. His parents named him Harland.

When Harland was only six, his father died and his mother was forced to go to work. Little Harland therefore did much of the cooking for his younger siblings. By the age of seven he had mastered the regional cuisine (the region, you'll remember, was Kentucky).

There was no stopping the ambitious Harland, who had his own highway service station in Corbin, Kentucky, by the time he was forty.

He often prepared meals for hungry travelers who stopped at his service station. He didn't own a restaurant, so he served them at his own dining table. Word of his excellent cooking spread, and soon he moved across the street to a restaurant that seated 142 people.

Harland's cooking eventually became so well known that Governor Ruby Laffoon made him a colonel.

By 1976, Colonel Harland Sanders was ranked as the world's second most recognizable figure. The Moron's Almanac salutes this peculiarly American genius.

On this date in 337 AD, Constantine the Great's three sons, Constantine II, Constans, and Constantius II, named themselves Caesars and divided the Roman Empire between them. This impetuous division is at least partially responsible for virtually every major European conflict of the past 1650 years, and it is high time we saw some reparations.

In addition to Harland Sanders, today is also the birthday of Adam Sandler (1966), Hugh Grant (1960), Michael Keaton (1951), Billy Preston (1946), Otis Redding (1941), Cliff Robertson (1925), and Leo Tolstoy (1828).

It's Socialist Revolution Anniversary in Bulgaria, National Sports Day in Indonesia, Republic Day in North Korea, and Independence Day in Tajikistan.

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

[close window]
[Daily Briefing Archive]