WEEKEND BRIEFING
The Moron's Weekend Briefing

Jul. 12-14 - Paris was not a happy city in 1789. Paris has never been an especially happy city, especially for those who don't speak French, but in that fateful year it was especially grouchy. And it wasn't just the city, but the whole country. All of France was being cranky and irritable, and all the other countries were like, "What?"

Finally the queen said they should eat cake and the nation snapped. The people rose up in protest and, it being time for the French Revolution, they stormed the Bastille on July 14, 1789.

It quickly became clear that the peasants were revolting. (Not that anyone ever thought they were all that attractive.) The storming of the Bastille gave way to a Rain of Terror, a meteorological cataclysm in its own right, which eventually caused Napoleon and led to both Waterloo and Able Was I Ere I Saw Elba, all of which have been covered in previous almanacs and can therefore be ignored for the time being. Eventually the French (who had always been winers) immersed themselves in Bourbon.

Anyway, July 14 is Bastille Day in France. Storm something.

On July 13, 1994, Germany's Constitutional Court ended the ban on German troops fighting outside the country.

On July 14, 1994, France's Constitutional Court ended their ban on running like hell.

On July 14, 1867, Alfred Nobel first demonstrated his newest invention: dynamite. Mr Nobel spent the rest of his life blowing things up in the interests of world peace. Sadly, world peace was not achieved in his lifetime. Upon his death he therefore endowed a foundation with millions of dollars to give prizes to men and women of future generations who brought the world closer to peace by blowing things up.

At the rate things have been blowing up lately, world peace is obviously just around the corner.

Julius Caesar was born on July 12, 100 BC. He is famous for fighting the Garlic Wars and saying "Ate two, brew tea," as he died of the unkindest cut. His death so shocked the people of Rome that they buried him instead of praising him, although this may have been because he was a Proud Man.

Henry David Thoreau was also born on July 12, but in 1817. Best known for his highly-praised and seldom-read Walden, Thoreau took the controversial stance that frogs were good and trees were pretty.

Other July 12 birthdays include: Kristi Yamaguchi (1971), Cheryl Ladd (1951), Richard Simmons (1948), Bill Cosby (1937), Andrew Wyeth (1917), Milton Berle (1908), R. Buckminster Fuller (1895), Oscar Hammerstein II (1895), and George Washington Carver (1861).

Cheech Marin was born on July 13 in 1946, and shares his birthday with Harrison Ford (1942), Patrick Stewart (1940), Jack Kemp (1935), and Bob Crane (1928). July 14 is the birthday of Harry Dean Stanton (1926), Ingmar Bergman (1918), Gerald R. Ford (1913), Woody Guthrie (1912), William Hanna (1910), and Isaac Bashevis Singer (1904).

July 12 is Independence Day in Kiribati and Sao Tome & Principe. July 13 is Cow Appreciation Day. July 14 is not only Bastille Day in France, but also Revolution Day in Iraq and Day of Assassination in Senegal.

Sorry, that's Day of Association. My bad.

Enjoy the weekend.

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

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