Daily Briefing
The Moron's Daily Briefing

Jun. 5 - Doroteo Arango was born in Durango, Mexico, on this day in 1878. He was born to a family of share-cropping pheasants. One day when he was sixteen he came back from work in the field to find his sister had been raped by the owner of the hacienda, Don Agustin Negrete. Doreteo killed Don Agustin and fled into the hills.

In the hills he met and joined forces with a gang of cattle wrestlers. Doroteo was a good wrestler, a natural. He was sure he had found his career.

The leader of his gang was none other Francisco "Pancho" Villa. Pancho was passionate about cattle wrestling. He taught young Doroteo everything he knew. One day the gang was ambushed by a Mexican possum and Pancho was killed in the skirmish.

Young Doroteo changed his own name to Francisco "Pancho" Villa and became the gang's new leader.

The new and improved Pancho gradually diversified the operations of his gang. They were still some of Mexico's most-feared cattle wrestlers, but they also branched out into banditry and railroad contracting.

When the Mexican Revolution broke out in 1910, Pancho was recruited by the leader of the revolution. He was made a general and put in charge of conducting the war in northern Mexico. Everyone loved him except for the people he killed, who had mixed feelings.

One day in 1916 a shipment of arms that Pancho had ordered from an American merchant didn't arrive. In retalitation Pancho raided the town of Columbus, New Mexico. During the raid he claimed many American arms and a fair number of legs. This irritated the Americans, who preferred to minimize the distance between their limbs and their bodies, so General Pershing was sent to chase Pancho into Mexico.

Pershing chased Pancho throughout the Chihuahuas. It was a difficult chase, which comes as no surprise to anyone who's ever had to make their way through a herd of Chihuahuas. Pershing never found Villa, and eventually had to issue the famous telegraph, "Villa is everywhere, but Villa is nowhere."

The war ended in 1920 and three years later Villa was killed by an unknown assassin while driving through Parral. His death marked the end of the golden age cattle wrestling.

Others born on this day include Marky Mark, Ken Follett, Bill Moyers, and Samuel Adams.

Today is Apostles Day in the Czech Republic, Constitution Day in Denmark, Flag Day in Turkey, and World Environment Day in the United Nations.

2002, The Moron's Almanac™

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